How about for once you shut up and just listen?

Because I don't shut up on a daily basis. I don't listen to the fact that I'm a brat who doesn't listen enough or study enough. I don't clean enough and I don't cook enough. I'm just not enough. Ever. I'm too emotional and I don't ever shut up, I don't have a right to say how I feel. I don't have any rights. I don't have the right to express myself. No one gives a shit. The truth is, in your opinion, I'm still a 7 year old. I should shut up and sit down. I'm just a child, I don't have opinions and if I do, no one cares. Nothing I think is worthy or valid. My feelings don't matter. I should clean and obey everything you say. The problem with that is, I'm 18. I have a right to feel, to think, to live. I have a right to say what I believe, I have a right to emotions. I have a right to opinions. So no matter what you say I'm not going back. I'm not going to go back to hating myself and feeling like shit about myself. I'm not going to feel like a failure because your mother tells me that I'm the reason you're depressed. I'm not going to slice open my wrists as an escape to clear my mind, I'm not going to starve myself. I deserve better. I deserve to have someone care about how I feel and about how I treat myself. I deserve to love myself and not hate my body.Yes, you are my only parent. Yes, you deserve to feel. But you're sitting here screaming at us, spilling your guts, telling us that we need to get our emotions under control and you're out of control. The irony is almost unbelievable. I'm not the one who refuses to take medications for my problems. I'm not the one in denial about my emotional and mental problems. I'm willing to work on those problems and fix myself. You just drown your problems in alcohol and tell us what's wrong with us. You project your problems on us. I'm tired of being your scapegoat, mother dearest. I'm tired of being your little emotional punching bag. You take out all your anger and hatred and pain on us and expect us to sit there and take it. I'm tired of hating myself because I'm a disappointment who will never be good enough. I'm tired of being the "bad daughter". Your fucking boyfriend calls me cinderella because I'm the one who scrubs the floors, cleans the dishes and works my ass off to try and make you happy. I'm the one who pours my energy into being good enough and would do anything to make you happier. And no matter what I do, I'm never going to make you happy. I'm never going to be good enough. I'm just a little working mouse who has to clean and cook and clean some more. That's what a good daughter does right? I don't deserve thanks for it. It's my job. It's my job to clean everything and shut up. It's my, fucking, job. ▲

I just carried on a conversation with an elderly lady

for an hour. She's so interesting. I ended up exchanging numbers with her. She's so sweet. She was so bored and lonely. I love talking to older people, they're a fount of knowledge. My generation is so unintelligent and intellectually stunted. I wish more people were aware of what was going on in their world today.

I take another swig of the lukewarm coffee, attempting to wake myself enough to form a coherent sentence or a clear thought. As it is I sit in the library wasting my O.C. time while staring at a screen and listening to me Pandora station. In my half 'roused state my fuzzy mind strings together the notes and numbs the words.    ▲

I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop, drinking my favorite drink

And suddenly a wave of memories hits me. I look up and it's raining. This was our sort of day. Pouring rain, me drinking coffee. Why does everything have to be so complicated. a year. a year since we broke up, and I still think about him. I wonder if I'll ever be completely over him. What if the rest of my life is like this? What if I'm always infatuated with him? What if part of me always cares? What if I can never be devoted to someone else? What if I'm not supposed to be? Growing up sucks, moving on hurts, getting older and more responsible is painful. I've tried so long to stop it, but I can't. Life moves on, despite my best efforts to stop time.       ▲

College

That's the next time I'll date someone. I categorically refuse to do a fling.

No, just no.

So this guy I liked me Sophomore year in highschool has been hitting on me, he was a senior. I'm finally pretty(ish) and now he thinks it's okay to talk to me? He fucked with my head, big time. And now he's trying to get with me, scratch that, not get with me... get in me. Seriously. How is it okay to ignore me for 2 years and then just be like "okay you're pretty now, I want to eat you out, can I come over." (he basically said that.. but with better diction and a british accent). How about you go fuck yourself with a rake go learn to respect a girl?

Boys suck

that is all.

I don't understand

If you don't like someone, why do you mind fuck them? Why do you lead them on and hurt them? I guess I've done it before, but being on the receiving end.., it hurts. It really fucking hurts.

how about you stick a knife in and stab me in the gut?

it would hurt less.

He hugged me, and I felt shivers, I have missed you so much. I don't know if he loves me, or gelt the little shiver, I don't know. I miss what we had, but like he said, I have to stop looking over my shoulder and look forward to the future.. ▲